The truth is..

Woke up this morning with my soaring eyes. But the pain was not here. Naglaho na kasama ng luha ko. I am here in Singapore. Dreaming to have a job..save money..then head back home. Ofcourse kasama na din don ang sana ay maka-sakay sa Singapore Flyer. But here I am today, accepting the fact thaat I might come home. Not by my will..but because of the reality that eventhough you have an employer here, you can start to work unless you have the Empoyment Pass. And I was rejected by MOM.

Like I said, I had my moment of grieving. Now I accept the truth that if its for you, you'll get it. No matter how much you resist, it will fall on you. God's will ika nga.

I am stubborn as hell. And i went back to my self debate.."faith o pinipilit mo lang"..that is me. I constantly telling God to do what he thinks is good for me. I prayed harder that I thought I can. But the thing is, contrary to what I tell Him thaat I lift up everything to him..there comes, please make my wish come true. To the extent that I demanding God to grant my prayers. Where's the "I lift up everything to you?"

And there comes a point that I lied even to my parents. I was telling myself that it was for their own good. I don't want them worry about me. I am perfectly ok. Yes I am living in a safe place. Contrary to what my fellow Pinoy jobseekers here, I dont pay my rent. I eat everyday. I sleep comfortably. I am lucky. And the only problem is I dont have a job yet. Its been more than a month. I cant lied to my parents anymore that I can stay here. That everything will be alright. That I'll be starting a job soon. STOP. Once and for all, I just want to be honest..to them and most especially to myself. I might go home. Having a job here is not easy as I thought back then. And rather that doing or engaging into something illegal here..I'll choose to come home. I will come home if that's what I should do.

But for now, I'll take my remaining chances. Do what I should do. Follow up. Pray. And let God take me where I belong. Maybe its Singapore. Or maybe it's in the Philippines. After all I always have my home..my family waiting for me.